Becoming an Army girlfriend. 

The world has romanticized the whole idea of military relationships. But I guess the reason for it helps with the harsh reality of what is like being in a relationship when they are in the military. You are not in just a relationship with the person but with the military as well.

You better get used to spending a lot of time alone and coming in second… well to the country. But you really cannot complain. How can you? They are out there protecting you and the country you oh so love.

I’ve been in military relationships before but never fully experience the journey of becoming an actually military girlfriend…until now. Let me clarify that it is still romantic. How can you have a relationship without the romance? The only difference it is not like the romance you see in the movies.

When being an army girlfriend, you don’t always know what time he will be home or when you will be able to talk to him because he is so busy at work. Prepare for work talk all the time and phone calls throughout the night or day. There are no days off. He works full time and when I say full time I mean 24/7. There will be days that he will have to bring work home with him, so get ready to give him his space and wait for him to finish. Maybe cook some dinner or clean around the house so he is not distracted by you. Sometimes, he will be so stressed and you may feel like his anger or frustration is directed at you. Don’t worry it is not. He just had a long day at work and has a lot going on. You will sometimes barely see him for days or months at a time… and I’m not talking about deployment. He is going to have training, field work, or be on duty. He will barely have time to talk, won’t have service, or will be busy for almost over 24 hours at a time. Then, there is deployment…. it will happen, but do not worry, he was trained for this and let me tell you it is not romanticized like the movies. This is real life and happening to you both. Support him and make sure that you can handle this because it is not fair for either of you if you cannot stand by his side through it all. And on more thing, if your person is anything like mine and is ambitious and constantly wants to do better and be better, be prepared for him to be focused and that focus not being all on you. He will see his goal in sight and will be so narrowed in on it. I’m not saying he is going to forget you, but I am saying that you will not be his number one priority.

This will be even more tough if you are in college. You’re gonna be stressed and this relationship will stress you as well. Becoming an army girlfriend in college is another story because you are still figuring things out for yourself and working on yourself. He will still be there to support you, but it won’t always be at the times you want. When he can’t give you that attention or be there to talk when you are failing a class know that he still cares and supports you. He is just not physically able to or able to talk and comfort you at that time. You will have to learn that sometimes you have to cancel that party you wanted to go to because he actually gets a weekend off or not go out that night because that night is the only night he can Skype. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice sleep just to get that extra time to talk. It will be tough finding the balance between school and your relationship, but after trial and error you’ll get the hang of it.

Becoming an army girlfriend is lonely at times, but let me tell you when you are in that persons arms and you do have their undivided attention you will be reminded of how those lonely nights or the short little phone calls are worth it for this moment of complete happiness. That moment being with the person you love is the only place you want to be. You will become stronger and it will be hard at first and throughout your relationship. Those insecurities are going to surface and you will continuously doubt yourself and your relationship. That is normal, but just remind yourself of those days and that this is the life you chose and make sure it is the one you want. Nothing worth it comes easy. This will definitely take hard work, lots of communication, and trust.

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Something about him. 

I love his sweet smile, gentle touch, the way his kisses touches my soul, or the loving way he looks at me.

I love seeing him light up talking about all that he wants to do, but seeing that fear as well. I want to be there to support him and be there to help him succeed because I know he can.

I love listening to him talk about his passions and seeing him get lost in it. I can’t help but smile and think man I love this man.

I love hearing him laugh and joke. Seeing him relaxed and happy warms my heart.

I love the way he cares for me and makes it known in every move he makes and every word he says.

I love when I am around him, hearing his stories, and I can see that he is the bravest and has the kindest soul. A person you just want to be around because he is a great person and makes you want to be a better person.

I love seeing that even on his hardest days he keeps moving and stays strong. He trusts in himself and I trust in him.

I love his resilience, his heart, his brilliance, his smile, his love, his passion, his ambition, the way he believes in good and does good, and everything about him. There is just something about him that makes me feel for him, want him, need him, and to always love him.

Living with anxiety…

You have that big overwhelming question of what if? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I’m not good enough?

You’re constantly questioning yourself and thinking of every single scenario of what can happen. As you been to think and to wonder you start to have that feeling of panic. You feel like you are losing control of everything around you and of yourself. But here is my thing those questions of what if this or that happens or could happen start reminding yourself of the other times were your anxiety, your fear almost stopped you from doing something before and it turned out to be the best decision of your life. If you had let that anxiety win out you would’ve missed out. You would’ve missed out on that cute date with that really cute guy or going to that party where you knew no one but you ended up becoming best friends with your lifelong best friend.

I’m not saying that it will always be easy and yes there will be times that your anxiety will win out and you will feel defeated but don’t give up. Get yourself back up and face the next day, the next situation. You’re always going to think and wonder and that panic will always be there. You just have to learn how to manage it and how to regain control over yourself and your mind.

So while you are sitting there at 2 am wondering all the things that could go wrong in your new relationship or thinking about all the what ifs; start thinking about what is going on now and the good. Try to regain control again and silence that panic of the unknown and the questioning. Remember all the things you already know because the more you think about it the more you are going to create. The more you create, the more panic you are going to feel then that is win your anxiety is going to win out. Do not let it have that power over you. Remind yourself that you are in control and are always in control.

I chose happiness.

Recently I broke up with my fiance and got into a new relationship right afterwards. I was miserable with my fiance. I cried almost every night and was just not happy. Then, I reconnected with a guy I used to talk to before my fiance, but timing was never right with us and I moved on. After reconnecting, my feelings came back or never left (not sure) and  thus making me realize even more I had no feelings for my fiance anymore. This then lead me to finalizing the decision to break things off.

After breaking up with my fiance (which I didn’t do because of the new guy but because I knew it was the right and healthy thing to do for myself), I took the chance to start this new journey. He made me believe in love again, taught me how to laugh and smile again, and how I deserve to be treated. I learned to be happy with someone again. Everyone started to notice the difference. I started to notice the difference. I am now smiling more, working to better myself, and I have someone who supports me and helps me better myself. I wrote a post about letting yourself love again and in addition to that post there is no time limit on when you can allow yourself to feel and love again.

Before I decided to give this another shot, I was hesitant. I didn’t think I deserved him or deserved the love he was ready to give me or the love that I was going to give him. This time we mutually decided that we were going to take things slow, but that we deserved this love. Everyone deserves to love and be loved; I mean truly and madly love, the love we dream about. This time around though we weren’t going to overthink and we were going to take the time to make things work. So far things have been great and we are constantly learning, but making things work just like we said we would. The plus of it all is we both are as happy as we can be. Through all the stress and problems, we both know we have each other there to support and remind each other how strong we are. This is how I wanted my relationship to be and this is how my relationship is now. I mean how could I just wait just to spare someone who made me miserable’s feelings? Maybe that is insensitive, but then like I’ve said I chose my happiness instead of repressing it like I did for the past year and a half.

But in every story that has to be more drama. I have been criticized openly and bullied about this. Here is the thing, I chose my happiness. I chose to make a choice that I know was and is best for me. Do I regret the choice I made? Not for a second and I never will. I got myself out of a toxic relationship and was it a bit soon to get into another relationship? Of course but I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t going to let it slip me by again. And I will never let anyone make me feel guilty or like I was in the wrong for choosing myself.

If you found whom you love or what makes you happy then go for it. Not everyone is going to agree with your choices or understand those choices but it is your life. You have to do what is best for you. Whether it be ending a relationship, cutting someone off, or starting something new. It is your life and your choices. Never let someone make you feel like you should’ve settled and stayed in a situation that did not benefit you. Definitely don’t let them make you feel bad for going what you want and what makes you happy. You shouldn’t have to wait to do what you want because of someone else. If that was the case then you will be waiting for a long time and that’s not fair to you.

There’s a quote from Miley Cyrus that fits this situation very well, ” At the end of the day the person that has to be happy is me!” So my advice is that it is okay to choose your happiness and yourself at times and to never let anyone make you second guess that choice.
(Yes, I chose to stay for almost 2 years in that relationship. I am a very optimistic person and I was desperately hanging on to the hope that things would change. I had to be realistic that it wasn’t going to. Even if it did, the damage was done and it was too late.)

 

Love, Love!

Lately, I’ve been seeing this quote from Liam Neeson.

It’s true. I’ve been in and out of love so many times and at some points I wanted to give up on this feeling. I hated love and wanted nothing to do with it.

But here is the catch. You feel all those things and wonder how does someone that “loves” you do that to you. How can they make you think all those things and make you want to give up on love, on the love you both once shared with each other? They aren’t supposed to do.

That love they have for you and the love you have for them is supposed to make you feel alive and like you are floating on top of the world. Every day you are with them should feel like this is your happiest day of your life. It’s something you want to experience everyday and something you want them to feel as well everyday.

When you find that person that truly loves you and you truly love them; you will definitely know that you have found love, that pure love. You will see why all those other people just didn’t feel right and why you didn’t feel complete.

That one true person, that person that you and him/her are so intoxicatingly in love with, will show you that this is how you want to be treated and this is what you want and that because you are with that person all is going to be right. This person will push you to excel and support you always. They will be honest with you and never lie. Your person that you are so in love with will make you see what fairy tales are really made of and make you believe in the good of love again.

It may take some time and you will probably get some bumps and bruises. But each time you fall, get right back up and give that guy that’s checking you out or the guy you’ve been crushing on for the past 3 years a chance. You never know, because that could be your reality Prince Charming. And if you don’t then you may be missing out and blocking your happily ever after because of the fear of all the things we associate with love instead of the one true thing and that is love itself.