I chose happiness.

Recently I broke up with my fiance and got into a new relationship right afterwards. I was miserable with my fiance. I cried almost every night and was just not happy. Then, I reconnected with a guy I used to talk to before my fiance, but timing was never right with us and I moved on. After reconnecting, my feelings came back or never left (not sure) and  thus making me realize even more I had no feelings for my fiance anymore. This then lead me to finalizing the decision to break things off.

After breaking up with my fiance (which I didn’t do because of the new guy but because I knew it was the right and healthy thing to do for myself), I took the chance to start this new journey. He made me believe in love again, taught me how to laugh and smile again, and how I deserve to be treated. I learned to be happy with someone again. Everyone started to notice the difference. I started to notice the difference. I am now smiling more, working to better myself, and I have someone who supports me and helps me better myself. I wrote a post about letting yourself love again and in addition to that post there is no time limit on when you can allow yourself to feel and love again.

Before I decided to give this another shot, I was hesitant. I didn’t think I deserved him or deserved the love he was ready to give me or the love that I was going to give him. This time we mutually decided that we were going to take things slow, but that we deserved this love. Everyone deserves to love and be loved; I mean truly and madly love, the love we dream about. This time around though we weren’t going to overthink and we were going to take the time to make things work. So far things have been great and we are constantly learning, but making things work just like we said we would. The plus of it all is we both are as happy as we can be. Through all the stress and problems, we both know we have each other there to support and remind each other how strong we are. This is how I wanted my relationship to be and this is how my relationship is now. I mean how could I just wait just to spare someone who made me miserable’s feelings? Maybe that is insensitive, but then like I’ve said I chose my happiness instead of repressing it like I did for the past year and a half.

But in every story that has to be more drama. I have been criticized openly and bullied about this. Here is the thing, I chose my happiness. I chose to make a choice that I know was and is best for me. Do I regret the choice I made? Not for a second and I never will. I got myself out of a toxic relationship and was it a bit soon to get into another relationship? Of course but I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t going to let it slip me by again. And I will never let anyone make me feel guilty or like I was in the wrong for choosing myself.

If you found whom you love or what makes you happy then go for it. Not everyone is going to agree with your choices or understand those choices but it is your life. You have to do what is best for you. Whether it be ending a relationship, cutting someone off, or starting something new. It is your life and your choices. Never let someone make you feel like you should’ve settled and stayed in a situation that did not benefit you. Definitely don’t let them make you feel bad for going what you want and what makes you happy. You shouldn’t have to wait to do what you want because of someone else. If that was the case then you will be waiting for a long time and that’s not fair to you.

There’s a quote from Miley Cyrus that fits this situation very well, ” At the end of the day the person that has to be happy is me!” So my advice is that it is okay to choose your happiness and yourself at times and to never let anyone make you second guess that choice.
(Yes, I chose to stay for almost 2 years in that relationship. I am a very optimistic person and I was desperately hanging on to the hope that things would change. I had to be realistic that it wasn’t going to. Even if it did, the damage was done and it was too late.)

 

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