Learning to love.

Wow. I have not posted in quite a bit. But this book I am so excited about.

It’s been 6 months since I made the best decision I’ve made in awhile. I started dating the guy I’ve been blindly in love with and who’s been my best friend (without me even really noticing) for the past 3 years. But boy has it been a bumpy ride. Yes, we have our typical disagreements and bickering. And these fights have taught us so much about each other, how we work as a partnership, and about our love.

When in a relationship, you want to make your S.O. happy and show them every day how much you love them. I had heard so many things about this book called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman and how it changes your view on your relationship and love. Let me tell you this book really did change how my boyfriend and I expressed our love to one another, learned a lot about how I receive love, and how to love him.

I definitely recommend everyone to read this whether or not you are in a relationship or married.

So my boyfriend and I took the tests and found out our love languages. They were completely opposite of one another which is no big deal. His was acts of service and gift giving and mine were words of affirmation and quality time.

I always wondered why he would get so happy when I bought something so small like a basket for the house or wrote him a letter telling him how great he was. Or whenever he would come home to the house being cleaned or dinner cooked because I knew he hadn’t had the time to do these things or was just so stressed out. Turns out that it was how he received love the best and what made him feel loved. Before reading this book, I would sometimes get annoyed that I was cleaning or felt as if I was a housewife without the ring or even living at the house (even though he calls it our place). After reading it though, it gave me a better understanding of why he liked me doing or wanted me to help out. It put me more at ease and I wanted to do these things again just out of the fact to show him that I cared and loved him.

As for me, after he found out my love languages he made more of an effort to express it. Even though before he would always use words of affirmation to show me love, just now he makes it a point to do it more often. Every time I would come down because he was stressed and just needed me or for the fact that I cooked dinner or cleaned without him even having to ask, he would acknowledge it and tell me that he appreciates me and what I do. It made me feel good and know that he loves me. There are times where I will just be sitting there and I will catch him staring and even though I know I look horrible, he will tell me “You are so beautiful.” Although, he would say it before he does it more often to let me know that he appreciates me.

Even though we all love to hear how our S.O. loves us and appreciates us, the saying actions speak louder than words are still so important. Quality time is so hard for us with him being active in the military and preparing for deployment. I always wanted him to make time for me and to spend time with me. He would do the best that he could, but I still didn’t feel it was enough. Quality time was also a high love language for him just wasn’t his primary. He would always complain that the time that I was with I was on my phone and not fully listening to him. I would just ignore it and keep doing whatever I was doing because he did it to me as well (although that annoyed me too so I should’ve been more considerate). But after reading this section in the book, I knew that quality time wasn’t just being around each other. It was doing something together and giving your full undivided attention. Like when we go to dinner, we don’t go on our phones (which is hard for him with work but he does it) and we talk fully to each other. Which brings me to another point that I have learned quality time isn’t just physically being together doing something… it is having a quality conversation with one another. Ask questions, acknowledge what they are saying, communicate with one another. We have this issue that we try and have a quality conversation with each other at the wrong times. I’ll be in the middle of cooking, watching tv, or while he is playing video games. This is something that we are still working on, but after reading this book it gave me insight on how to work towards us expressing this love correctly and what would help.

Now of course this will all be different for different people. But this is what I gained from reading this book and I’m so glad I read it. I learned a lot from it and it’s not one of those boring self-help books that you get annoyed reading because you feel like you are reading a textbook or anything like that. It’s actually interesting and enjoyable. I believe it’s a must read (now if I could get my boyfriend to read it too haha). If you get the chance read it even if you don’t think you are having issues with expressing love or receiving love, it just gives you more ideas. 🙂