Day 2 of 160…

Shout out to the next day puffy eyes and your best friend banging on your door to make sure you’re still alive 😂

Also yay for photo shoots, sushi, and more photo shoots.

So the next morning I woke up to loud banging on my front door. I woke up feeling so lost. You know how if you cry too much and the next day you just feel so drained? Yeah that was me. But am I glad that my best friend didn’t stop banging on my door. I probably would’ve cancelled my photoshoots and just laid in bed being sad all day.

She asked me how I was doing and lord I tried to hold myself together, but as I started talking the tears just found it’s way to show itself. She held me while I cried. I calmed myself down and she let me just ramble. And talking about hottie just helped even though I just wanted to continue to cry. The talking about what he left me with before he left and when the last time I spoke to him all I could do was smile.

But I had to get ready for a photoshoot. I am not going to lie… I was so unbelievably nervous for this one. I had to go back onto post. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle that. If I would break down and cry driving past his work or if I was going to be able to hold myself together as I shot this photos for this loving new family.

My best friend helped me pick out my outfit and made sure I wasn’t gonna just bum it and look a mess. (I probably would have just wore anything. My pajamas even haha just kidding…or am I?) As I was getting ready, I heard that sound I had been waiting for… my phone ringing. I saw his handsome face and name on the call screen. I answered his facetime and I swear my heart skipped a beat seeing his handsome face. I did not want to hang up. Who knew that you could miss someone so much after only being apart for a little over 24 hours.

Well my first photoshoot was bittersweet. Don’t get me wrong it was adorable. She too was getting ready for her husband to deploy the next day. And when they played his recording on a bear to their newborn daughter I about lost it. It was so sweet, but then all I wanted was to talk to hottie. As I was thinking that my phone binged. Lucky these sweet people understood my excitement and let me check it. As I spoke with the clients it put me at ease some. They eased my anxiety and reminded that everything was going to be okay.

I am thankful for my best friend for sitting through the photoshoot and driving my crippled ass. haha I also want to thank her and her husband for driving me back to my house and reminding me that everything was going to be okay and trying to give me advice on what to expect and what might be going on.

It was nice to have someone to go to get sushi with and to talk to. Although I was sitting there waiting for the moment I would hear back from hottie. It’s weird for me to go so long without talking to him. You get so used to talking to someone every single day and only going maybe an hour or so without speaking to them that it starts to feel weird when you’re on opposite times.

As I headed to my next photoshoot the couple reminded me of me and hottie. The way they held each other, joked around, and looked at each other. As I got to capture their photos I thought to myself about me and hottie. And I thought yeah I miss him and sad that he had to leave, but the memories I have of us is what will help me get through this deployment. And I am grateful that I have all the memories we made and experienced before he left.

As I got home and was focused once again on the fact that I was alone and had to sleep without him again. For dinner all I had was one of those chef boyardee cans. And I cried again and fell asleep. Honestly this day though was a little bit easier… when it was day time and I was busy. So maybe it’s just me learning how to deal at night and that might be easier instead of trying to change my entire life around.


PSA: I am sorry for the grammatical errors and how repetitive some of this may sound. I am sleep deprived and I am usually writing these at 1 in the morning because I can’t sleep or waiting to hear from hottie and this helps me relax. So yay for finding something to help me… sort of! 🙂


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